I see that now that some time has passed with the major events of the summer (dad's death anniversary and Lulu's freedom court date!) I am starting to re-enter life.

Last week I met with a potential client situation and that was a first of its type. And it looks like it might actually go--next week. I'm doing some work on the side while I market my coaching and build that new business. I always do better when I am doing something to make money. For some reason I am more productive and get more done in less time.  If there aren't any gliches with my fees I'll be good to go to start making some money again.

It's very strange when you stop work and mother full-time. I'm not talking about the sweet 20 somethings that worked 2 years and then got preggo. A few nights ago I was discussing this with a friend and she noted the same thing. If you have been a professional woman in your career for at least a decade, then a sudden halt is very dramatic. I'm not saying i don't enjoy the beach days...but that lack of purpose and identity is not something to be quickly disregarded. I feel more valuable knowing I am going back to work.

Yes, I understand HOW important the past 18 months have been to sweet Lulu and I cherish every moment--even my VERY GRUMPY mommy moments. But, she is secure now and is developing in leaps and bounds. Still, she will have me most of the day and then daddy will be home when I go to work. She won't be in daycare or pre-school, yet (if ever. I haven't decided about any of that).

This summer has been such a whirlwind of activity and fun relationship connections. I need some more routine though, so I've started back at a stroller class for exercise and joined weight watchers recently. Also, the work will build in some more routine.  I'm not a routine type person normally, but realize I need some to be at my optimal.

Lulu's birth-mom has been emailing me a lot. I guess she is really isolated and alone. Interesting. We exchange pictures of the girls and lately I have been able to encourage her (appropriately, of course) to get her life together and move on.  When I first found out about her when Lulu was a baby I had a weird sense that we would be able to have a positive impact in her life. Maybe email is the avenue for that currently.

Lots more is going on and I think I will start blogging again. My computer is soooo slow it discourages me. I need to take care of that...

Until later!

I can't believe I forgot to post the news! Forgive me!

The Termination of Parental Rights was granted!!!!!!

It's over!

We will have a finalized adoption sometime next year.

yay!!!

This is a cute (and wry) anecdote from my hubby. He sent this in an email to a friend of ours we will call "meme"...

"Today Lulu and I went to the park with our dog Rocco and we saw your friend (I can't ever remember her name, but she owns Snowy the white dog) Anyway their conversation went something like this:

 

Lulu: Hi lady

 

Lady: Hi Lulu

 

Lulu: Are you meme's best friend?

 

Lady: Oh, I'm meme's good friend, yes

 

Lulu: Oh, Are you a Social Worker?

 

Lady:No

 

Lulu: Bye now I have to go chase Rocco

 

It's amazing how much this little girl hears/knows/understands...

Tonight we are going to another high school graduation celebration. Even though we have a TWO year old many of my peers have children that are graduating high school! sigh. Yes, we are in the same age bracket...what did I do wrong? We will be OLD when Lulu graduates from HS!

Ah, not.

Age is fluid. How old you are is so much a state of your mind and lifestyle. We will be going strong and YOUNG even in 20 years! yay! It is true that my body is not the same as when I was 20 (nor my energy level), but seriously, it's not THAT big of a difference.

I wonder how other "older" moms of tots feel?

I feel wiser and calmer and not so worried about every little thing...but that's just me.

Breathing a big sigh of relief....

Ways to post-pone the trial:

Whining: this works really well if your attorney is willing to lie on your behalf and claim you "poor victim" that you are didn't receive some service for some reason...or she gets PREGNANT AGAIN! Or as time goes on, HAS another BABY!

Excuses: this works in tandem with the whining strategy and the attorney can apply it liberally. When this is combined with a judge who doesn't really want to have to make a decision this strategy can work indefinitely. So far, in practice, the attorney has successful delayed the start of this trial for ALL of 2007. It works. Trust me.

Lying: this is a dangerous area to tread on but when the judge accepts your BS, it works. for some people with integrity this strategy could inhibit sound sleep at night, but for others it seems to have no effect at all.

"OOPS! My Bad!" this strategy must be rephrased into lawyerese, but can cover the gamut of areas from being stuck in the another court room when you are supposed to be in this one, having your kid puke at school so you can't try the case, the judge ignoring the order of the docket and taking those after you instead of you, the judge deciding you shouldn't have to wait another hour since it's already been six out of consideration for you...

Delay tactics: as a social worker, you have the option to not send out your notices of any changes within the required time which will allow the other side to be granted a continuance. if you really don't want to deal with the case, this works every time.

Not following protocol: if you as the "agency" don't follow your normal rules in a case, then protocol hasn't been followed and the judge is stymied for what to do! He'll keep waiting for you to get your act together and follow the rules so he can rule on the rules, but if you neglect the rules what is he to do but ignore the rules...which brings us to:

Ignore the LAW: Since foster parents don't really have any way to go over the judge's head and get some justice, the judge can completely ignore the FEDERAL LAWS which state that a permanent decision must be made by a certain time. This is much easier to do if you don't have a conscience, lose track of time easily, or just plain don't care. For example, if the Federal Law says you have 18 months to get something done and you just keep continuing the start of the trial, well, what can they do? A few more weeks will bring us to 6 months past the federal deadline. DEadline? what deadline?

There you have it.

Start with a baby in foster care, apply these strategies and you should be able to keep the child in limbo for years, while taking up months of time and money from the parties in waiting around for continuance announcements and lawyer fees (since they have to be paid for waiting around, too, it's only fair).

On the last "trial" date we were continued AGAIN, by some ridiculous claim by birthmom's lawyer. It was absolutley astounding. I was not happy about it and emotionally had a hard time for a few days while I processed it all. Every delay like that makes me a bit scared that they will change their mind and do something stupid like give Lulu back to the people that broke her body when she was an eeny-weeny baby. The new date is November 2nd.

This past month has been quite challenging. It's been a string of problems, but more on my woes later.

I just wanted to let you know I'm still alive and kicking and have will be back soon.

Lulu's former foster family hosted a birthday party for her today (she just turned 2) because I was not up to it and it was such a joy being around all the kids and watching their delight in play, etc. I'm grateful for the children and the good friends I have that came to celebrate with us today. They are such a blessing

Also, I got a small booklet on grieving in the mail today from these women in a group at church and it really hit the spot. I guess there are 4 in the series and they will be sending the rest along at certain intervals. I read through the whole booklet and allowed it to help me and realize that all the emotions and up and down is normal! I know this intellectually, and with all the training I've had professionally, but I can't be objective with myself and was starting to wonder if I was going to sink with the weight of this all If you know someone who is grieving a loss these booklets are a sweet gift. They are put out by the founder of Stephen Ministries, found in many churches. Here's the main link http://www.stephenministries.org/ I'm even trained in this particular "coming alongside" people in pain method. Great irony in that!

Here's the link for the Journeying through Grief series
http://www.stephenministries.org/on_line_store/viewitem.cfm?itemid=458
From the first book I have seen, I think it is general enough religious wise to minister to lots of different people…I'll let you know about the others as they come!

I am grateful for people doing these unexpected things that are helping me along the way.

The next court date is on 9/7 and we are really hoping that the termination of parental rights is ordered by the judge. This case has been delayed so long it is amazing.  Lulu's original foster mom is amazing. Period.

Especially, she keeps a blog with names changed so people can see the ins and outs of our crazy system.  She has been keeping the record of our little darling's case for the past 18 months. I'm grateful to have that. She's a real planner and strategist. Because of her we are where we are in the process of parenting this fabulous and amazing child. She has taught us a lot.

Anyway, this friend of ours posted this video because it related to Lulu's situation--tragically.  Lulu's injuries were much worse (initially) and her abuser is also "unknown".  Basically, everyone's fear is that she would end up like this poor child.  Either the judge will order termination or she will be given back.  How there could even be a valid choice between the two options for this judge is beyond me. I expect to hear the GREAT news that the TPR will be ordered on that day!

I will remain hopeful and expectant that Lulu will be kept SAFE and will soon be able to a part of our permanent family...

What better way to break my LJ silence than with Lulu's birthday? She has a visit with bio-mom, of course, and is wearing a new dress from grandma. She has been having fun tantrums the past two months in preparation for this great day! She had a doozy last night, when she didn't want to get out of the bath and get her diaper on, etc.

Gave me a workout, speaking calmly and getting her to cooperate and quiet down! It is so humid here I was dripping wet with the slightest effort. Lovely.

Ok, the silence is broken.

Life is starting to slowly come to some new sense of reality now that my dad is gone. For the one reader who didn't know already (that random searcher) my dad died on July 27th, while catching a king salmon in Alaska. My brother caught him as he collapsed. It was a shock and tragedy for all of us. We were all very close to our father. I'm very fortunate to have such loving friends and family who rallied around us. Two of my dearest girlfriends flew in from Canada and the east coast respectively. Just their presence was comforting. It was a crazy, surreal past month.

I was feeling pretty lost yesterday. I took Lulu and her friend to the beach, which has one on hyper-alert the whole time since they are only 2 & 3 years old! Yet, while at this gorgeous setting, being able to take time to play with these precious girls, I felt angst for not working, etc. I can't pretend that it is ok to be a "stay-at-home" mom when we are short every month without my income. It is expensive to live where we live!

Anyways, I am going to work one day a week with an old client to bring in something. I friend is going to work the rest of the time with this student and hopefully, eventually take over the whole situation. Then, I have to go back to the drawing board and pull out my plans for building my coaching biz sans ed therapy and start implementing the elements. The plan is complete; I just need to work through the steps. So I will be figuring out what that looks like while raising a toddler without using daycare...it will be interesting. Different friends would like to trade childcare, which would probably work for this current time period.

Ah, I'm just thinking out loud.

Life is a mess, physically, since we still have to unpack hubby's stuff from moving back and also now, deal with the "stuff" from my dad's house. I have a HUGE beaeutiful dresser sitting in my living room, for example. After praying yesterday, I feel calmer and less anxious about it all. One step at a time!